So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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