My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
