I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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