Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
