i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
