So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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