If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
