He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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