Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
