yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
