She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
