i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
