proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize