So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
