So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I looked at my own cervix.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
