I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize