Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
