you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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