So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
