I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
