My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
