Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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