every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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