Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
