I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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