wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
