I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
