Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
