Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
