you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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