my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
