Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have already put on my inside pants.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
