She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
