And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A+ Viking dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
