He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
