we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
