If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
