i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
