I hate your face
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
