By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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