Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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