So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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