at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
