Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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