And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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