dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
