you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
