break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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