I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
