someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do herpes really smell.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
