No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
