Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
