Pregnant stripper...not hot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The air was thick with penises
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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