apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
