brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
