the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
