is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
