My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I will pee on everything he values.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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