like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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