of course. lets lasso hookers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
