even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
