oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
