I wish i was in the wii world.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
