based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
