I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
