What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
