You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I will pee on everything he values.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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