Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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