god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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