In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
