...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
