I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
