she looked like the before picture.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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