Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
