After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
smell my finger.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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