I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
barbara walters just said penis...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
