don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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