mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
