Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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