Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
