We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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