if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
