I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
