we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
