The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
