i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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