I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
