meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
