I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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