Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
