you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize