wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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