you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
