Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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