so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize