Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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